easy eyes
by RoxyWavey
Summary: Lucy used to have easy eyes. / Lucy comes back to England a war-hardened woman in a child's body. lucycentric.


Lucy used to have easy eyes.

Peter used to be able to know when she needed a hug. Susan used to know when she had been crying, or laughing, or was bored to death.

Edmund used to read them like a book.

The trip to Narnia had changed her. She had long since learnt to hide her emotions, and guard her eyes, making it hard for anyone to see what she was really feeling, even Edmund. But he still could.

Her mother couldn't. When the Pevensie children arrived home from Professor Kirke's house, Helen could tell that Susan was relieved, Peter was more mature, and Edmund only held a shred of the cruelty he used to hold. But Lucy didn't let her guard down, unlike Susan and Peter. Lucy remembered the teachers in Narnia, who told her how to read the stars and fight as a warrior- and not let her enemies know her weaknesses. Edmund remembered these, too.

Susan and Peter couldn't. The minute they had returned to England they had let their guard down, thinking nobody would be able to read them as well as the Narnians could. But they were wrong.

Now Lucy had hard eyes. They are like blue orbs of steel when she is angry. Edmund sometimes thinks he catches a glimpse of the Narnian sun and sea twinkling in their depths, but even he can't explain it to his older siblings. They sparkle when the youngest Pevensie is happy or excited, showing just a shred of Queen Lucy the Valiant.

They all had their scars. Of course they did. Only Lucy and Edmund remembered that with the slightest slip, all could be lost. Peter had let it slip one too many times.

Edmund can still read her like a book, except now it's like he's a six year old, struggling to grasp the letters and read out full sentences, and Lucy is still twenty-three and hiding every emotion she feels on the battlefield- the battlefield being England in this particular case. Lucy knows this and apologises when it's just them two. She never lets her guard down.

When they go back to Narnia, Edmund thinks it is a miracle. Lucy let her cover slip. In Narnia, she was nine and twenty-four at the same time, mature and childish all at once. Edmund likes the moments like these, the little things that remind him of before Narnia. Little actions, quiet words; things that remind him of the little girl playing hide and seek, not the mature adult in a child's body that had ruled a country.

It's Aslan, he knows. It's the air and the trees and the dirt. It's not got much to do with him, although he catches the little smiles she shoots his way when shes dancing in the woods. Edmund can read her again. She has easy eyes. She's Lucy.

And then they leave. Susan has been watching Lucy, and decides that wearing a mask of indifference is better than showing raw hurt at having to leave Caspian. Sometimes, a little bit of Edmund thinks it's Lucy's fault that Susan's like this: the party-girl, always with a thick coat of red lipstick and rouge. Then he feels guilty because she didn't mean to do it. It was just her way of protecting herself, and Susan picked up on it.

And then they're back again. Edmund isn't surprised that Lucy lets her guard down, as she's always so free in Narnia. She's happy and at peace. He hopes it won't go back to guarded eyes and masked emotions, because that's not the Lucy he knows. The Lucy he knows would only put that face on for battles, and would be incredibly open the rest of the time. Eustace is here, and he definitely notices the change in her. Eustace had always known Lucy to be a very cheerful, albeit cautious girl, and this carefree Lucy was only a slight change for him, compared to the defensive girl Edmund had to watch for years.

She cries when Aslan sends them back, her and Edmund for good. Edmund hears her in the night, sometimes, crying. He wants to go and comfort her, but he knows he'll probably get caught by his aunt or uncle. _Then_ he'd be in trouble.

Guarded Lucy is back. The careful, war-hardened woman is back. She's stopped sobbing at night, but he knows the nightmares are starting. He had the same thing, after Jadis' defeat. Now she tosses and turns. The bed creaks, and he tries to keep the thoughts away, the thoughts about what she's going through.

Eustace and Jill are called into Narnia. When Lucy hears, she curls into a ball in her bedroom and cries. Just cries. There is no dramatic back-heaving, no loud sobbing, no heart-wrenching wailing. Tears just roll down her cheeks as she is reminded of the land she once ruled. She is reminded of the Golden Age, and of Miraz, and the voyage to the end of the world. She is reminded of Cor and Aravis and Shasta. She thinks of Mister Tumnus and Jadis, and DLF.

When Edmund visits her half an hour after she retreats into herself, she's nearly done. Her eyes are red and puffy, and she lies on her bed, just looking broken and defeated. The Just King lies next to her.

"Let us in." He speaks after a while. Lucy almost jumps.

"Why?"

"We're family, Luce." Her heart lurches, and she whimpers.

"I'm so sorry." She turns to face him and this time, her guard is gone. The raw pain and hurt in her blue eyes almost knocks Edmund over. If he hadn't been lying down, he would've fallen for sure. Edmund lets out a quiet, anguished noise and embraces Lucy in a tight hug. It takes a few seconds for her to respond, but when she does, they stay wrapped up in each other for another half an hour, just comforting each other, before Aunt Alberta comes in and shoos Edmund out.

The last time Edmund sees Lucy with her guarded, closed eyes, is when they go to visit Susan. Lucy begs and begs, until her eyes harden and her and Edmund leave. That is also the last time Susan sees them alive, in England.

In Aslan's country, she is free. She is free of worry, because nobody in Aslan's Country would ever harm her. She is a Queen of the Golden Age, Queen Lucy the Valiant, and she stands beside King Edmund the Just and High King Peter the Magnificent. They do not have any real ages in Aslan's country- but that is okay, because they've been through so much that they don't need ages. Eventually, after Narnia is destroyed, Susan will join them, and she will be welcomed with open arms. In England, they were like books stretched beyond the last page. Here, in Aslan's Country, they have no last page.

Because their story doesn't end.

**If you got this far, thanks for reading, and please review!**

**Kia xoxo**


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